


Give Me a Shot

by agentfitz



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Depression, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:12:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3110765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentfitz/pseuds/agentfitz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo Fitz hates life.<br/>He works the late shift as a bartender. He does what he can to pay his share of the rent.<br/>One normal late night, he's ready to lock up, a guy walks in.<br/>"Hey, buddy. We're closed, get out," Leo growled. "Says you don't close 'till 3. It's ten till 3, actually," the man said smugly. "Fuck off smart ass. Can't you see I'm cleaning?" "C'mon man, I just got in a fight with my date, can't you just cut me some slack?" the guy pleaded. "Please. C'mon, give me a shot. A little shot of your strongest stuff and I'll leave."<br/>"One shot." "One shot."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me a Shot

**Author's Note:**

> I do not want this to go as me romanticizing suicidal tendencies or mental disorders or diseases.
> 
> I also want to say that while you're reading to listen to 'a guy like you and a guy like me' on 8 tracks, as well as other playlists tagged fitzward. :3

  "Leo, I thought the bar closed at 3?" Jemma asked. "It does." "Then why are you home an hour later?" Skye asked. "That dumb couple was there again. They were so fucking drunk, the manager made me drive them home. But I had to wait until one of them remembered where they lived." "Was it Clint and Phil again?" Leo nodded and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "Why don't you get some sleep? Skye and I will make breakfast tomorrow," Jemma said. "Yeah, Leo, just sleep for as long as you can, okay?" Leo ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, thanks guys, I appreciate this. Really," he said. He took a quick shower and got into a pair of sweat pants. He stared at himself as he brushed his teeth.  _Look at you. Jesus, you're such a fucking bother._ He rinsed his mouth and stared at his reflection until he was sick of himself and went to bed.

  In the morning, Leo realized he'd overslept. He woke up at 10, and he sluggishly got out of bed to put on a shirt and see what the girls made in the kitchen. They didn't make anything. It was obvious they tried, but they fell asleep. Jemma had work from noon to nine, and Skye worked fixing computers and phones, and basically had her own schedule to clock in and out by. Leo smiled at the girls cuddling on the couch. He made himself a bowl of cereal and sat on the single chair by the coffee table. He reached for the remote and watched the news for a while until the girls stirred awake. "Oh. Sorry Leo," Skye blushed. "S'fine, really. I don't mind, besides, cereal is more me," Leo said lightly. The girls began cooking, and even though Leo had insisted he was fine with what he had earlier, they made him some as well. Jemma left to go to work, and so it was just him and Skye. "So Leo, meet anyone last night?" she asked smugly. Leo laughed. "Why are you so obsessed with me finding the perfect person?" She shrugged. "I think it's quite interesting how love works. I mean, I met Jem at my job. You'll meet your soulmate soon, and maybe even at the bar."

  Leo knew she meant well, but sometimes her questions about his love life irritated him. "Skye, have you seen that bar? It's dirtier than the bottom of my shoe, I'm lucky I even get tips. I'm not going to find my 'soulmate' at a pitiful bar," he shrugged. "Maybe you will, don't give up so easily okay?" Leo just nodded. "Yeah, so how come you've been heading out to work so late? I thought by now they'd start hounding you about this," Leo said. Skye smiled and laughed nervously. "Well, um, you see..." Leo eyed her, sipping his coffee. "What?" Skye sighed and told him the truth. "I had them change my shift." "Why? I mean, that's not that big of a deal," Leo said obliviously. "Remember when you tried to overdose but Jem ran into the bathroom and saved you?" Leo looked at the ground. "You're kidding." He was obviously pissed. "Leo. I need you to know we did this for you. We care about you and it's important to us-" "That I stay alive? Skye this is ridiculous. I'm not a child. You're getting your normal shift back," Leo said.

  "No." "Yes, you are." "No Leo. You're way too important. I'm not going to let you try and kill yourself again." Leo looked at the ground and kicked the cabinets. "Leo stop!" "I don't need you to look after me like I'm your kid. Why don't you understand that!?" Leo exclaimed . "Well you just kicked the cabinet, I think I have a reason to." Leo looked at her with a straight face. "Fuck off Skye." He took his coat off the wall and grabbed his car keys. "I'll see you tomorrow." Skye just stood there. She was sad that one of her closest friends just left. She was too worried to be angry. She grabbed her keys and jacket and ran to her car, driving to find Jemma's workplace. She parked and thought.  _I can't tell her. She could get into trouble for leaving. Or be fired even! I pissed Leo off, so I have to apologize._ She pulled away and drove, trying to find Leo's car.

  She couldn't find Leo's car. She looked everywhere she would think he would go, but she just couldn't spot him anywhere. Where was he? At the arcade. He parked behind the building and buried himself within the darkened game room. "Hey. Do I know you?" a voice asked from behind as he failed at playing PAC-Man. Leo turned around. "Yeah. I'm the bartender responsible for taking you and your boyfriend home almost every night," he snapped. Clint's face turned red and he looked at the ground. "Yeah, well you won't have to worry about that any more," he said shyly. "Why not?" Leo asked, suddenly feeling guilty for his tone. "Well, he got a higher paying job. And he asked me to move in with him. And well, we're moving in two days. He thinks getting drunk before we move is a bad idea, so...." Leo just nodded, inserted another coin and continued playing. "Yeah, but why are you telling me that much detail?" "I'd thought you'd like to know that we weren't going to be bothering you anymore." Leo sighed as he failed to play once again. "Thanks for the heads up," Leo fake smiled, patting Clint's back.

  "So, uh, what brings you here?" Leo looked at him, obviously annoyed. "I got in a fight with my roommate and I thought it'd be better if I left and cooled my head." Clint nodded. "Wanna play a racing game?" "If you're paying." Leo stayed in the arcade until it closed, which was thirty minutes before his shift started. His phone started ringing. "Hello?" "Where are you? Me and Skye have been going around town trying to find you and apologize. You need to get home now." "Jem. No. I heard about your little scheme to make sure Skye watched me. I'm not your kid, okay? I'm not your fucking responsibility. I'll be home tomorrow." Leo hung up before Jemma had a chance to interject something. He drove, hitting every red light, to the bar and crappily parked in the back of the building. "Fitz! You're five minutes late!" his manager shouted. "Traffic," he said. Tom shrugged and dumped the keys with Leo.

  It was a slow night. Not many people came in, but Phil and Clint did. "I thought you said you weren't going to come," Leo said, getting their usually drinks ready. "Tomorrow, but don't worry. Phil's driving us home," Clint said. "Yeah, so just one for me will do." Leo did so. They talked about Seattle, which is where they were moving, and Leo liked the fact they talked to him like he was their friend. He smiled and waved to them as they left. "Have fun in Seattle," he said. They waved back and said goodbye. They'd even given him a generous tip. He shoved the dollars in his pocket and washed the glasses. As he started cleaning, a guy walked in. Leo became a little pissed, because he was so close to having a good night where he could actually leave early.

  "Hey, buddy. We're closed, get out," Leo growled. "Says you don't close 'till 3. It's ten till 3, actually," the man said smugly. "Fuck off smart ass. Can't you see I'm cleaning?" "C'mon man, I just got in a fight with my date, can't you just cut me some slack?" the guy pleaded. "Please. C'mon, give me a shot. A little shot of your strongest stuff and I'll leave." "One shot," Leo barked. "One shot." Leo pulled the mixing cups off the drying rack and put them to use. The man took a spot at the bar, directly in front of Leo. "So, uh, what's your name?" he asked. "Leo. Uh, Leo Fitz. What about you?" Leo said pouring the combined liquors into a shot glass. "Grant Ward."

  Grant stirred around the glass for a bit while Leo anxiously waited for him to drink it so he could leave. He didn't. Leo decided to make some conversation. "So, uh. What'd you do? Make her pay or something?" Leo asked awkwardly. "Huh? Oh, no. He, uh, he didn't think I was honest about anything and made a real big scene. Got us kicked out, called a taxi home. Blah, blah, blah, and now I'm here." Leo was surprised to hear Grant's date was a boy. "Um, Leo? Look, I'm having a real bad night. You mind just letting me hang out with you?" It was then, that Leo had a change of heart. The odds. The odds of someone good looking, polite, and the coin toss of being gay. It was like fate. If even that. Leo just nodded proceeded to clean the cups and the shot glass Grant used.

                                                                                                             - - - - -

  Seven beers and an hour of sharing secrets later, Leo was as drunk as he'd ever been before. Grant had invited him to his place where they were just drinking and watching tv pointlessly. Leo's glace flickered between Grant's eyes and lips. He licked his lips and leaned forward, softly kissing Grant. Grant kissed back passionately. Leo smirked and continues kissing him. Grant undid Leo's shirt and they made their way to his bedroom. Thank God Grant lived alone. Grant passionately made out with Leo as they slowly undressed each other. Soon, the were in nothing but boxers. Leo had never had sex before. Hell, he'd only had one boyfriend before and that was when he was 14. He barely remembered how to kiss someone. "Grant..." he started quietly. Grant looked at the puppy dog eyed boy. "Do you want me to stop?" Leo shook his head and started to remove his last piece of clothing. Grant stopped him and kissed him.

  Leo and Grant's boxers ended up in a pile on the floor. There wasn't much he remembered, other than he definitely didn't top. He remembered constantly kissing Grant, but that was about it. He passed out somewhere around 5 am.

                                                                                                              - - - - - -

  Leo blinked his eyes open and groaned. He turned to his side and felt the greeting of warm breaths. He opened his eyes fully and yelped when he saw Grant. He panicked and fell off the bed, surprised at his nakedness. He searched on the floor for his underwear and finally found them sticking out from under the bed. "Um.. Morning?" Grant said. Leo felt extremely embarrassed. He started picking up his clothes, which trailed to the door. "Leo, are you okay?" Grant asked, pulling up a pair of sweat pants. Leo just nodded. "I-I just, I just have to go." He started putting on his pants, almost tripping. Grant caught him. "It's no trouble. You don't have to leave." Leo started buttoning his shirt back up. "I really must be going. I have, have, uh. I just have to go." Grant caught Leo's arm.

  "Do you remember anything about last night?" he asked. Leo blushed again. "I remember being extremely drunk," he muttered. "You don't remember what you told me?" Leo saw the worry in Grant's face and knew exactly what he meant. _You just had to tell him, didn't you Leo. Screw up!_ Leo jerked his arm away. "I didn't, I didn't tell you anything. Look, Grant.. This was an  _experience,_ but I really have to go." "No you don't," he was hanging on by his sleeve now. "Leo, I can take care of you." There were those words again, immediately sparking something in Leo. A fire that had been lit. "I don't need to be taken care of. I'm not a kid, Grant. I'm not your child. I can take care of myself. Why can't you see that? This.... This thing here, it was just a one night stand. You and I both know that because this," he gestured between the two of them as he fixed his sleeve, "we can't work. We  _won't_ work. We don't fit together. Last night will be nothing but a memory to both of us. I'm sorry." He left without another word, and Grant didn't bother to stop him.

  Because he saw Leo for who he really was, not the happy-go-lucky person he pretended to be. He cared about him, really, and he didn't want to upset him anymore. Leo took a taxi to the bar and drove himself home. He turned off the engine and just sat there until the air couldn't reach him anymore. He restarted the car and drove to the nearest store that sold beer. He liked the feeling. The numbness of his brain. The tingly feeling in his fingers. He loved the feeling of nothing. He wanted to get drunk again. He wanted too but he wouldn't. He couldn't trust his mouth when he was drunk. _Scream it already. You can't keep anything to yourself can you Leo? Tell the world you're suicidal so you can bask in it's pity. You know you want to. Scream it. Yell it. Do it._  

He bought the pack of beer and drive himself back home. He went inside, and was immediately squeezed by the girls. "Leo! I'm so sorry. I just, should've just..." Skye was having trouble finding the words to apologize. "It's fine guys. I'm fine, I just overreacted." Leo put the beers on the counter and handed one to each of the girls. They watched a movie and Leo faked everything. He faked his smile. He faked his laugh. They didn't notice. He would've thought that the two people who were so concerned about him would be able to tell the difference.  _Walk out. Leave. They won't notice anyway. They don't care about you, Leo. Just leave, they won't care. No one cares, not really._

The brown bottle slipped from his fingertips and shattered on the floor. The liquid everywhere and the glass shards scattered all over the floor. ""Leo!" Skye screeched. "I'm sorry. I'll clean it, don't worry. Be careful."  _Goddammit Leo! What are you three? You can't hold onto a damn bottle. Just stop breathing already.!!_ The buzz left his system. He didn't touch another one. He didn't trust himself. Not even if it could silence his mind. He didn't want it's harsher bounce back.

                                                                                                                - - - - -

  That's how the next three weeks went. No Grant. No Clint. No Phil. No alcohol. There was barely anything happening at the bar. He was on the brink of breakdowns every night. The bar was empty. Like it was the night Grant found him. He started cleaning the glasses when the bell at the door rang and Grant walked in. "Hey," he said. "Hey," Leo whispered. Grant sat quietly in front of Leo. "Want that shot again?" Leo asked. Grant shook his head. "I, uh, wanted to ask you something." Leo's heart skipped a beat. "And, um, what-what-what would that be, exactly?" Grant took a deep breath. "Well, my sister's getting married on Saturday. And, I um, uh, needed someone to go with me." Leo raised an eyebrow. "You want me to go on a date with you?" Leo asked. "Not exactly, but you can call it a date." "When is this?" "Saturday. And you have to wear a bow tie." Leo shook his head. "I think you mean black tie." Grant chuckled. "Nope, I mean bow tie. My sister loves them. So, what? You think you'd be okay with this?"

  "I never said I'd be okay with it. You can't just have sex with someone then three weeks later expect them to go on 'date' with you," Leo said. Grant looked sad. "So, you won't go?" "I never said I wouldn't go. I just said you shouldn't do that," Leo smiled. Grant smiled back. "Thanks. So, uh..." "I won't have to, like, kiss you or anything, will I?" Grant rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I mean.. Oh shit. I should probably tell you." Leo widened his eyes. "Tell me what? Grant, what've you done?" Grant let out an exasperated breath. "You see, my parents know about me.. And when they said I needed a date to the wedding, I sorta told them you were....  _my boyfriend."_

 Leo looked at Grant with a death stare. "You told them I was your boyfriend? And yet you hadn't had the guts to get over here and talk to me." "I didn't know what to say. I panicked. They were about to set me up with someone. I didn't want that, I'm sorry." Leo sighed. "So I guess I have to go now?" Leo said lightly. Grant nodded. "So, what do we have to do to make it believable?" Leo asked. "Just stay close by me, and they'll believe everything." Leo nodded and grabbed the keys to lock up. "And, um, if you happen to not like pretending to be my boyfriend, then, we can work something out and you'll never have to see me again. I pro-"

  "I don't think I could stand not seeing you again. Three weeks and I was beginning to forget your face. It'll be fine Grant, honest." Grant smiled and draped his arm across Leo's shoulders, but then awkwardly took it back. "Sorry," he said. Leo grabbed his hand and put it back across his shoulders. "It's fine," he smiled, "I-I-I mean.. I should get used to it," he blushed. Grant smiled. "So I'll see you Saturday then?" Grant asked. Leo nodded. "Oh, uh, what time?" Grant asked Leo to write down his address for him. "Just, uh, wait for me," he winked. Leo smiled and nodded, getting into his car.  _Good thing I don't work Saturdays._

                                                                        - - - - -

  Saturday rolled along, and Leo overslept. Bad. He woke up at 2 in the afternoon. He barged out of his room, almost falling. Twice. "Skye, why didn't you wake me up?" he asked. "You were working until like 5 am. I thought you'd be thankful," she giggled. "I am, but.. My suit.. I needed to get it by noon." Skye pointed to her room. "I went and got it around 11. Don't worry Leo, we got your back." He smiled at her. "Thanks." The time passed quickly between 2 and 7:30. There was a buzz at the intercom. "There's a Grant Ward down here looking for your buddy." Skye smiled and Leo blushed. "Send him up Trip!" And under ten minutes, there was a knock on the door. Skye answered and Leo fixed his bow tie. Grant smiled at how Leo looked. "Ready to go?" Grant asked. Leo nodded, and was extremely thankful that Grant didn't make him go to the actual wedding, just the reception. Grant told his parents Leo had to do work stuff during the procession, so he would hurry along for the reception. Another reason Leo slept in.

  Grant drove smoothly. "You nervous?" he asked. "What? You think I'm nervous that I have to pretend to like you, don't worry. It can't be that hard to trick your parents," Leo said. "What makes you say that?" Grant asked. "Because I already have liking you down pat," he smirked. Grant's jaw dropped. "You like me, huh?" he asked. "Leo nodded confidently. "Why do you think I agreed to this? I hate dressing up." Grant smiled and held Leo's hand. When they got there, the party was in full swing. No one noticed them walk in. Grant led Leo over to a table where his parents were sitting. "Hey mom, um, this is Leo," Grant said shyly. She smiled at Leo. "Hi Leo." "Hi." "Well, I see you got out of work in time. Where do you work exactly? Grant left that out." "I, uh, work for, um, a phone company. And they needed me for something today." Leo sucked at lying.

  The night went on and Leo pretty much sucked at conversation with anyone but Grant. They started slower music for the father-daughter dance. Of course, Grant poked Leo about joining them, but he repeatedly denied it. After about 4 other couples went to the dancefloor for a slow dance Grant no longer gave Leo a choice and dragged him out there. Surprisingly, no one cared. And Grant knew well how to dance. "You're a good dancer," Leo whispered. "Thanks, you're not so bad yourself." Leo smiled to himself and kissed Grant's cheek. "Leo, no one's watching, you didn't have to do that," Grant blushed. Leo smirked and kissed his lips. "I know. I wanted to."

                                                                                                               - - - - -

  Later on that night, Grant drove Leo and himself to his house. Leo kissed him and ran his fingers through his hair. Grant kissed back and wrapped his arms around his waist. Leo nestled his face into Grant's neck. They went to the bedroom where Grant lent Leo a pair of sweatpants, which constantly dragged on the floor and almost tripped him five times. Grant chuckled at this as Leo laid on the bed, trying to fold them up. Grant left and pulled Leo into his embrace. Leo enjoyed the warmth that emitted off of him. Like his entire presence warmed him, comforted him. Grant kissed his temple as Leo nestled into his bare chest. They said their good nights and fell asleep like that.

  Leo woke up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat with a sticky face and dried tears. Grant was kneeling by his side trying to see if he was okay. He sighed in relief when he saw that he was. "What happened?" Leo just shrugged. "It happens a lot, you shouldn't worry about it. I'm sorry." He got up to wash his face. Grant followed him and wrapped his arms around him from behind. "You were talking in your sleep," he said. "What did I say?" Leo asked, shivering as the cold water made contact with his skin. "You were asking for help. Kinda screaming actually. You don't.. You don't remember any of that?" Leo shook his head and dried his face. "I've got a pretty bad brain when it comes to memory." Grant nodded and kissed him. "Well, everything is okay now," he smiled.

  They went back to bed, while the clock read 2:27. Leo didn't feel tired, so he just cuddled into Grant more. Grant kissed the top of Leo's head and soon began to drift back to sleep.  _Fucking Leo. You can't do anything. You probably woke his neighbors. What if he gets arrested for kidnap or something. It's all your fault. Just go fucking kill yourself already. Grant just wants to fuck you and leave you. He's done it before, what's stopping him from doing it again? He doesn't care about you._

Leo felt a couple of cold tears roll down his face and onto the mattress. He took a deep breath and tried to fall asleep, but he was so tense. He couldn't clear his head. Grant subconsciously kissed his forehead and tightened his grip on Leo's waist. He cared so much, but Leo's anxiety and thoughts got the best of him and made him think differently about it.

                                                                                                              - - - - -

  Leo got out of bed before Grant. He got dressed before Grant woke up. He left before Grant even stirred in his sleep. Leo was going to kill himself. Leo took a bank sheet of paper from the printer and wrote a goodbye letter to Grant. A tear almost dripped down his face, but he wiped it away. He took small steps as he made his way from Grant's from door to the end of the sidewalk towards the busy road.

  Grant woke with a start. He was worried when he felt the coldness and the emptiness of his bed. "Leo?" He got up and put on some sweatpants on, searching the house. He saw the note and began to read. Tears streamed down his face freely as he read. He slammed his fists on the counter and ran out of the house. "Leo stop!" he yelled. Leo stopped, but didn't turn around. "I have to. Everyone will be better off without me!" Grant kept walking, an arm's length away from Leo, his heart about to beat of his chest.

  Leo started crying right where he stood. "Leo, if you do this, I wouldn't know what to do. Please. I'm not better off without you." Grant reached for Leo's hand, but he tugged away at his touch.  "Leo, please," Grant said. Leo started to hiccup. He was sobbing. Grant hugged him and Leo turned around, soaking Grant's shirt. "I'm sorry." Grant held him tightly. "It's okay." Leo cried and cried until he was out of tears. Grant carried him back to his house.

  Leo slept on the bed as Grant made them some coffee. He popped a movie into the DVD player. He cared so much for the foreign little man. He just wanted to hold him forever. Leo woke up and rubbed his eyes, still sniffling. "Hey," Grant smiled, rubbing his shoulders. Leo just smiled slightly and took the warm cup of coffee in his hands. "C'mere, I wanna have a movie day with you."

  Leo didn't object, in fact, he didn't talk all day. Grant held him, and constantly kissed him. "Say something babe," Grant said quietly. "I don't know what to say. I just... My thoughts..." Grant kissed his temple. "It's okay. You were scared. But, I'm here for you." Leo nodded, but denied looking directly at him. Grant knew that he just had the shock of almost killing himself still running wildly in his system. But he didn't care. He still loved him, personal demons and all. "I-I-I-I..." Then, the most difficult yet most meaningful words were uttered.

  "I love you."


End file.
